so here's a present to let you know i still exist

[Leyna]

It had been a good month and a half since Shandor had last seen Rawnie, and though he wasn’t willing to admit it to even himself, it was really having a negative impact on his overall disposition. On the bright side, however, it encouraged him to get a job despite the fact that he already had enough money to last well over a lifetime. When he moved to Jersey City about a month ago, he had come to the realization that he had absolutely nothing on his schedule besides visiting bars and clubs at night so he decided to apply for a teaching position at the university. Of course, this wouldn’t add anything to his schedule for another month or so, but he was excited to share his knowledge on the French language and culture nonetheless. Living in France for a good three years pretty much made him an expert on the subjects, or so he liked to believe.

Modern music wasn’t exactly his taste (he preferred classical and opera) and he wasn’t exactly the type of guy that was willing to dance in public unless he was drunk. Needless to say, he wasn’t usually found in night clubs. However, he had recently heard that the Judas had two separate sections, one for lounging and one for dancing. He had spent the majority of the night in the lounge, flirting shamelessly with various women and chatting with some of the wealthier men. Though, after he had finished off quite a few drinks, he found himself wandering out onto the dance floor.

It wasn’t appalling like he had imagined it to be, it was actually quite nice. The colored strobe lights and lit floor gave off an energetic vibe and the women were incredibly attractive. His heart sank a little when he realized that many of these girls could very well be his future students and that he would have to be seriously conscientious about who he took home. Yes, Shandor remained rational even when intoxicated. It was probably a good thing, but it drove him nuts nevertheless.

It wasn’t long before he found himself moving his body along to the music, and not much longer after that to realize that he was actually enjoying it. ”So much for class,” he thought as he grinded up against a blonde woman that was dancing beside him. The one thing that he absolutely abhorred, however, were the pole dancers on stage. As much as he found them arousing, it was such an indecent way for them to make money. Any girl capable of stripping down to her bra and underwear could definitely land a job as a waitress or cashier. Still, he couldn’t help staring at one that had her back turned, feeling like he knew her from somewhere. When she finally turned around, he gulped and turned away, hoping that she hadn’t seen him.

TAG: Rawnie!

[RAWNIE BETI SALVATORE]

New Jersey. Just another backwater town where very little knew her name or wealth. She had millions in the bank and yet Rawnie wasn't spending much of it, if any. Ever since Shandor broke her heart Rawnie had been unable to think straight any more. She was drinking more, she had become a stripper, she was in a small backwater town with no fame to her name, and she was living in a cockroach infested motel. Why? She felt worthless. She was broken. Shandor had been the only man in the world that could love her. He knew who she had been before she had become an assassin. She had told him everything that happened to her, and all she had asked was for him to pretend they were married for twenty four hours. Just one day. That was all she had wanted. All he had needed to do was say the words she had given him to say. They had been such romantic and deep meaningful words... yet, he could not say them. Not only that but he told her he could not pretend he was in love with her. She had told him she loved him, all her secret feelings during this pretend married day, and he told her after all that he was unable to just fake it. It had destroyed her heart, and Rawnie had run away.

Rawnie had not seen Shandor since then and she did not intend to. Her last chance was gone. Probably fucking some disgusting blonde in his hideous manor. He probably hadn't even thought of her once, or missed her, or even regret the cruel words he had broken her heart with. No. Of course not, because of cause little Rawnie Salvatore was unworthy of such a pompous ass as Shandor Luparos. So with another bottle of whiskey downed Rawnie strode out onto the stage with the other strippers and pole dancers to fulfill their performance tonight. The music pounded through the club, and Rawnie's svelt body moved with it as if it was just another part of the music - another note. It was hypnotising, and for a brief moment whilst dancing in nothing but what could only be described as a bra and knickers Rawnie felt as if her gut wrenching heart ache was gone.

It did not last though. Her gaze soon fell onto the crowd and found the one man in the world her heart would skip a beat for. Rawnie soon noticed he was grinding upon a blonde - entirely plastic in her opinion - and she felt her heart break for a second time because of him. The look on his face when he had danced with the blonde... He had never looked that way at her once. Not even close. What did every other woman in the world have that she did not? Unable to bear it Rawnie ran off stage. She bolted into the back, tears flooding down her cheeks as she went into her changing room and slammed the door behind her. Even work as an assassin could not take away the pain her heart bore. Rawnie's fist soon collided with the huge mirror, breaking it and forcing pieces of shattered glass into her skin, before she ended up collapsing onto her knees on the floor. Why could she not be enough for him?

[SHANDOR GUNARI LUPAROS]

After a moment of keeping his back turned, Shandor glanced behind him to find that she had disappeared. Considering that all of the other women were still up there, it seemed pretty likely that she had seen him and taken off. Part of him wanted to just forget about the whole scenario, pass it off as a small world type thing, and leave the place. Seriously, what were the chances of her staying here after this? He would probably never have to experience another run in with her again. This was what the self-seeking part of Shandor was thinking. However, there was another part of him that wanted to see her again. Seeing her would bring a much needed closure to their relationship and then he could forget all about her, at least that’s what he told himself.

Momentarily losing his rationality to the alcohol inside his blood stream, Shandor climbed up onto the stage and walked through the door that led to the dressing rooms. He wasn’t supposed to be back there but he was hardly worried about that. Walking through the dingy hallway, he read all of the signs that were on the doors. A lot of them were obviously fake names such as “Ciara Climax” and “Ellie Electric”. However, he knew Rawnie well enough to assume that she had enough decency to at least go by her given name. It took a moment for him to find her door and when he did, he opened it quietly and just enough for him to peak in.

She looked upset, no surprise there. In the short amount of time that he spent with her, he had found that he brought her a hell of a lot more pain than happiness (hence the numerous fights and attempted suicide). It occurred to him that maybe leaving her alone would be best for her, it wouldn’t bring the closure that he wanted to have, but it would mean less pain for a woman that he cared about. This whole concept of selflessness was new to Shandor, and it actually seemed promising. So he took a deep breath and began to close the door.

Then there was a huge crash and the sound of glass falling onto the floor. What had she done now? Would it be selfish of him to open the door and assure himself that she was alright? He didn’t care enough to even hesitate. Opening the door, he stepped into the small changing room and looked down at Rawnie. Seriously, what were the chances of them both being there of all the places that they could have gone? The answer that came to his mind was that it was fate and that they were destined to be together. However, he wasn’t completely sure of this. ”What have you done to yourself?” he asked her quietly, allowing a worried tone to show through his thick Romanian accent.

[RAWNIE BETI SALVATORE]

The thing that probably hurt her most was that Shandor really could have romanced her and made her feel special. He knew how to charm women, he knew how to touch them, and he knew her. He had even said a few nice things to her before she left. Like he had mentioned he remembered when they met so vividly, and had recalled their meeting so perfectly. He hadn't got anything wrong, and surely he knew by recalling such an important time in their relationship that he was giving her the impression that he loved her? Well, that was what Rawnie thought at the time, and still did. She had been so sure he liked her. She hadn't had the guts to ask him on a date or be with her so she had come up with the pretend-to-be-married-for-twenty-four hours thing as a way to not only get to be with him but as a way for them to start a relationship together. Unfortunately he clearly couldn't even pretend, and ended up shattering her fragile heart. Even Rashad hadn't destroyed her heart as well as Shandor had.

"No speaky anglais."

Rawnie knew it was a stupid thing to say but even his voice made her heart ache. Cradling her glass filled hand against her chest she reached up onto her dressing table with her other hand and grasped the bottle of vodka she had left up there. Well, there was a whole line up of alochol filled bottles but she took the vodka for now. It might not be the best way to spend her fortune but for now it was the only thing in the world stopping her from slitting her throat and being done with everything. She opened the bottle before pouring about half of it onto her glass filled fist, and then downed a mouthful of the vodka. Why couldn't he have just cradled her in his arms and told her he loved her? Why was it that he couldn't have even done that pretending? What was so wrong with her that no one could even pretend to have such feelings for her? Rashad hadn't lasted twenty four hours and neither had Shandor. She had been dying in Shandor's basement and he hadn't even gotten up off his computer to stop flirting with any whore he could find to make sure she was okay. He didn't care. That much was obvious to Rawnie now. That, and she was unloveable. She would always be alone now, and that killed her each and every second she had to live with that knowledge.

Rawnie was finding it harder and harder to stay on her knees by the desk. Everything in her wanted to go back out there, find that blonde and wring her filthy little neck. Rawnie may not have been able to tear all his other whores into shreds but she could at least do it to that blonde. Shandor didn't like dancing. He wasn't that kind of guy. He was a pompous ass, and would rathher just sit somewhere in a corner. So the fact he had gotten up and danced for some blonde whore really stung. He would have never danced with her or for her. No. He couldn't even say a few words for her in a game of pretend. With that Rawnie got up, still cradling her fist to her chest which had shards of glass piercing the skin and the bottle of vodka in her other hand. She strode past Shandor and made her way back into the main portion of the club. Her eyes immediately scanned the crowd for the blonde, and soon she found her. It wasn't that hard. After all, the blonde whore was now grinding up on another man.

It didn't take much encouragement ( well, threats ) for Rawnie to get the blonde's hand and take her back to her dressing room. After all, Rawnie wasn't stupid enough to kill her with other people watching even if she was heartbroken. Once inside she threw the blonde against a wall, closing the door behind her - whether Shandor was inside the dressing room or not she didn't care or notice - and then grasped the vodka bottle tighter. There was so many things Rawnie could do to this blonde. It would be a shame to break the vodka bottle and loose the alcohol within but right now all Rawnie could think about was the blonde screaming for mercy but being drowned out by the club's music. Yes. This blonde would not be missed. She could kill the blonde and then burn her body to ash later on tonight. The blonde would never be found. Perfect.

"Stop crying and talking. You may not know what you have done, but I do, and it is definately worth dieing."

With that, Rawnie smashed the bottle against a wall making sure to get a lot of jagged edges on the half of the bottle she now held before advancing upon the blonde.

[SHANDOR GUNARI LUPAROS]

“No speaky anglais?” It was all that Shandor could do not to laugh out loud. He did, however, let a small smile cross over his lips. It was terrible, he knew, she was bleeding on the floor right in front of him and he was finding her words amusing. He quickly responded to her with, "Tu parles français?" As soon as the words left his lips, he regretted them strongly. He had never been the sensitive type that much was for sure. However, he had always tried to be sophisticated with his words. Asking her if she could speak French was clearly mocking what she had just said to him and that showed characteristics of a type of man that Shandor did not want to be pegged as.

As she grabbed the vodka, he remained where he was and watched her. It was almost as if she had forgotten that he was standing right there. He clenched his teeth as she poured it over her open cuts, well aware of the painful affects that alcohol had on lesions. It took him back to the day of their wedding, when he was tending to the wound that had been left by her blade. In an attempt to stop the bleeding, he had poured great amounts of alcohol and salt on his chest before wrapping his shirt tightly around it. The pain had been enough for him to howl and sob and he was thankful that no one had been around to see him in such a weak state. Over the years he had been kicked, punched, shot, and stabbed but nothing could even compare to that excruciating blaze. Even the thought of it made him raise his hand to his chest to make sure that it was not on fire.

Before he had even realized that she had stood up, Rawnie was behind him and walking back down the hallway. Had he not known her so well, he most likely would have assumed that her fit was over and that she had just decided to ignore him. However, he knew for a fact that she was not one to let things go so easily. Plus, she walked like she was on a mission. When Rawnie Salvatore was on a mission, there was no getting in her way. So he followed her, keeping a distance so that she wouldn’t turn around and punch him in the face or do something even more drastic. Though once she strode into the club, he had not a clue as to where she had gone.

After a couple of minutes of searching in the crowd for her, Shandor gave up and returned back to the dressing room. He had assumed that she had left the club altogether but he wanted to check just in case. Sure enough, the door was closed, which was not how he had remembered leaving it. As he reached for the handle, he heard a frantic voice. It was not Rawnie’s but it seemed to be addressing her. What was going on in there? He wasn’t sure whether or not to open the door or leave her to her business. After a brief second of contemplation, he pulled a switchblade knife out of his pocket and opened the door. ”Back away from her, Rawnie,” he demanded, recognizing the other woman after a couple of seconds, ”She hasn’t done anything.”

[RAWNIE BETI SALVATORE]

"No."

Why on earth should she let the blonde leave? Besides, it wasn't as if Shandor was her master, or even her lover, or her boyfriend, or her fiance, or her husband. Infact, he had chosen himself to be nothing to her so why on earth should she ever do anything for him or anything he asked? There was no reason. By now he could have wrapped his arms around her and whispered sweet sentiments of love into her ear before lovingly taking each piece of glass out of her hand. However, Shandor had willingly done nothing so far but humilate her by dancing with the blonde, mock her, and then demand something of her when he had done nothing nice to her thus far. He hadn't even apologised for his cruel words the last time he had seen her which would have been the least he could do. So, no. Rawnie was not going to do a thing he asked. Shandor could easily make Rawnie do anything for him but of course he didn't love her and nor did he want to love her so in the end he was the one driving Rawnie to slaughter this blonde. One kiss upon her heart and Rawnie would be his. Shandor chose to break her heart and destroy what was left of her so this was just karma being a bitch. What goes around comes around.

Rawnie had offered everything she had and was to Shandor. Every dollar she had in the bank, as well as her body. She would have done anything for him each and every day he decided to be her mate. She was not enough though, and her money was not enough for him to look past her. It was clear she was worthless to the world and Shandor so Rawnie had let herself drop onto the road of self destruction. She wrapped herself around a pole and stripped off clothes just to feel something positive from the male gender even if it was just lust and nothing more. Rawnie had wanted more once. She had wanted love, companionship, and romance. Hell, Rawnie would have settled for a violent wife beater if he at least told her he loved her and made love to her. Now though, she was broken, worthless, and clearly no man could feel anything positive towards her but lust.

All that brought her to this moment. She would slaughter this blonde. Tear her limb from limb. Why not? What on earth did this blonde have that Rawnie did not? Rawnie clearly had the better body. The blonde had no ass, and only had breasts because she had paid a plastic surgeon. They looked like they would pop like balloons if you so much as prodded them with a needle. The dress was hideous. Barbie pink, leather, and wasn't hiding any inch of the blonde's skin. The blonde hair was clearly a dye job. The roots were showing. The blonde didn't even have a pretty face. The blonde was probably younger then her. Maybe eighteen. She obviously looked older without the layers of make-up. The heels were far too big for the blonde. So why on earth was this blonde worthy of Shandor dancing with her when he couldn't even look at Rawnie without disgust in his eyes? Why was she not enough?

"Whats so special about you huh? Anyone can see you'd spread your legs for anyone. I bet you even fucked your nerdy cousin at a party when you were drunk because you felt sorry for him."

Rawnie snapped, clearly agitated. She pressed her own body against the blonde's as Rawnie ran an edge of the vodka bottle along the blonde's cheek bone. The blonde was whimpering and crying. Clearly the blonde would never be able to satisfy Shandor. He needed a woman that would challenge him. A woman with fire. A woman that was his equal. Not this whimpering snivelling blonde puppy. What Rawnie hated most though was that she still wanted and needed Shandor. Just one affectionate word in her ear from him and Rawnie knew she would be unable to do anything but what he asked of her. She was his. She was meant to be his, and the sooner he realised that the better. The sooner she could stop drinking and stripping, and the sooner she could finally feel some ounce of self worth again. She wished she was enough. He was promised to her, and although nothing had gone as anyone planned at the end of the day Rawnie was not entirely to blame. After all, she had been kidnapped and her mind twisted by her kidnapper. Everyone seemed to forget that.

[SHANDOR GUNARI LUPAROS]

Despite having grown up as a prince, Shandor had never much been the heroic type. Sure, sometimes he would act as if it was if it meant getting a beautiful woman into bed. In reality though, it really took a lot for him to feel concern over the well being of another person. Going out of his way to help out someone else was especially difficult for his arrogant self. However, he was now finding himself in a situation that required him to push his ego aside and be heroic. This was easier said than done, of course. As for as he was able to tell, there were three ways that he could go about handling this situation. One, he could take Rawnie down by force. Anyone with his amount of strength could manage that quite easily but it would also result in angering her even further. Two, he could give her what she wanted and speak affectionate words that he could probably not hold true to. In all fairness, he had no idea what he would be feeling in a week, or even a day. Three, he could just turn around and walk away. As much as he didn’t want to get caught up in the wrath of Rawnie, he didn’t want to watch this innocent woman get slaughtered, so he decided to go with plan number one.

”You have no reason to kill her,” he said angrily, storming towards Rawnie and grabbing her by the arm. Even through his thick accent the affect of alcohol was audible. As he threw her harshly into the wall, he said in a brutal whisper, ”I am not yours and you are not mine. Disposing of her will not change that.” He looked around the room to make sure that the woman had fled. Shoving her onto the ground he said in a hiss, ”You’re pathetic.” Of course, he was aware that this was far from necessary. He was sure that he had shaken her up enough just by grabbing her. In all honesty, though, he was hoping to get a rise out of her. It had been far too long since he had engaged in a fair fight and there was nothing that he would enjoy more than to have her stand up and throw that broken bottle right into his face. As far as he was concerned, pain was what kept people alive. ”Come after me,” he told her, giving her an angry glare and spitting on the floor in front of her. He snapped his blade shut and put it into his pocket before saying, ”I will allow you one hit.”

Ugh, sorry it a) took so long and b) sucks. I'm in the process of creating an IF board and it's really time consuming and exhausting. ):

[RAWNIE BETI SALVATORE]

Rawnie groaned in pain as Shandor threw her into a wall. As if she needed any more pain. Still, the physical pain was a brief vacation from the heart wrenching torment her heartbreak had left her in. Maybe Shandor would kiss her in a moment. He had just said she had no reason to kill the blonde. Maybe... maybe he was finally going to say he did want her as his own. Sure, Rawnie wished she could have been looking better for such a loving situation but right now all that mattered was that Shandor finally caressed her heart. What he did though was nothing Rawnie could have foretold. Her heart shattered once again, able to be seen in her eyes as she stared at him, as Shandor made it clear she was not his and he was not hers. Rawnie's legs buckled and she collapsed onto the floor as tears poured down her cheeks. Where was that hole when she needed one? Her life was over. Even after all this time Shandor still didn't want her. He wanted anyone else but her. Was she really that hideous? She flinched as he hit her again, only to hear him tell her to come after him. Perhaps before Shandor had broken her heart she would have attacked him, but now... all she could feel was her shattered heart.

"No. J-j-just l-leave m-me a-alone..."

Rawnie sobbed, dragging herself along the floor to the furthest corner before curling up into a ball. She could really have used a teddy bear to cuddle right then. Hell, she would have cuddled anything at that point. Why couldn't Shandor just be a decent man and wrap her up in his arms apologising for his cruelty. She pressed her forehead against the wall, her eyes closed as the sobs shook through her body. All she had wanted was love. She had been so sure Shandor was the one for her. Sure, maybe she had never lived the most pure life. Her record of killings were the best in the world. Even so, did she really deserve such cruelty and pain? Rawnie didn't know any more. All she had wanted was Shandor's warm body to cuddle up to, and hear his soft husky voice whisper comments of endearment. Every night she dreamed of Shandor coming to his senses, but each day the dream faded a little bit more. A part of Rawnie had hoped if she ever saw Shandor again he would be full of regret and instantly want her. Now that dream was shattered Rawnie was starting to believe that maybe Shandor would never come for her because he wanted her. Maybe she should just die. She didn't want to live in this world any more.

"Just stab my heart through my back and kill me already. I don't want to live any more. I can't do it. Not without your love."

[JAEDEN SOPHIA REYES]

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